A List Of Things Dan Snyder Probably Did To Warrant This Impending Scathing Washington Post Article

For the last day or so, people have been talking about an article from Washington Post that is going to drop today or tomorrow (Friday). Apparently this article is going to be pretty damning towards Snyder and just the overall culture within the walls of the Redskins-For-Now organization.

And it is true, people have been jumping ship. Just yesterday, two people in their front office stepped down as well as Larry Michael, their lead play-by-play announcer on radio broadcasts for the last 16 seasons, suddenly announced his retirement. Sketch? Shady? Yes.

So what aside from the aforementioned could possibly be leaked in this tell-all article that’s going to drop? We’ve got a few ideas:

  • doesn’t participate in casual Friday at the office, causing others to not participate either since he’s the boss
  • plays with Oddjob in Goldeneye for Nintendo 64
  • watches videos on his phone in public without headphones
  • uses the phrase “beer me” whenever he wants someone to hand him something, even if it’s not a beer
  • takes up two parking spots at the team facility (and that’s only when he doesn’t park in the handicap spot)
    • “I can park here! We don’t even have any handicapped people who work here. I would never hire a cripple!” Snyder shouts while walking into the building
You can tell it’s Snyder’s car based on the vanity plate alone.
  • puts the toilet paper roll under instead of over
  • blocks the box while driving through heavy-traffic intersections
  • doesn’t say thank you when someone holds a door open for him
  • stands up immediately after the *DING* on commercial flights despite being 20 rows from the exit
  • is a cat person
  • talks on his cell phone while ordering at Chipotle
  • has a punchable face
  • claps at the end of movies
  • gave Albert Haynesworth a 7-year, $100 million deal
  • enjoys yellow Starbursts
  • posts workout selfies every time he goes to the gym
  • pees with the seat down
  • writes “God Bless” on the tip line at restaurants
  • was the TV executive who green lit The Big Bang Theory

  • says “no, I got them ALL cut” when someone asks if he got a haircut
  • has a countdown app on his phone that counts down to the release of Starbucks’ Pumpkin Spice Lattes
  • his favorite Batman is George Clooney
  • frequently uses the word “adulting”
  • borrows someone’s Netflix password despite being rich enough to buy Netflix
  • refused to change his team’s name until sponsors threatened to pull out

And that’s apparently just the tip of the iceberg. Plenty more to come. I can’t wait for this Washington Post article to drop, as I’m sure many Redskins-For-Now fans can’t either as it will probably force Snyder to sell the team.

Given Redskins-For-Now fans luck, however, he’ll probably sell the team to Martha Ford.

Lions owner Martha Ford, Rob Sims pose for awesome photo

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