The State of Mississippi Is Getting A New Flag, So We Made Some Ideas

As I’m sure you’ve heard by now, the state of Mississippi has decided to change their flag to remove the Confederate Flag design from it. The efforts of so many made this decision a reality, including Mike Leach and Lane Kiffin publicly flirting at the state capital last week.

It’s a step in the right direction, but the biggest question still remains: what should the new flag look like? It’s a fair question. But don’t worry, we’ve got an answer. We came up with a bunch of definitely real and mature designs that the state of Mississippi should adopt.

So let’s help The Magnolia State out and run through some of these potential new flags…

Let’s start here. To me, this is the obvious choice for a few reasons. For one, it embodies the spirit of the Egg Bowl – the state’s greatest sporting event and one of the SEC’s greatest rivalries. You may think Mississippi State fans won’t like an Ole Miss player on their state flag, but remember, State won this game. And in large part because of this celebration. Also, who wouldn’t want a guy peeing on the confederate flag on their state flag? Hell, most guys in the south already have Calvin peeing on things on the back of their pickup trucks. so how would Elijah Moore doing it be any different?

But let’s talk realistically. Maybe cost is an issue? We need to change the flag, but maybe we can’t alter it too much because of the logistics that go into an overhaul like that (I clearly know nothing about what it takes to change a flag)? If that’s the deal, then I’d assume only minor tweaks to the flag can be made. In which case, let’s just make multiple pissing Elijah Moores. It’s the age old question: would you rather have one giant Elijah Moore pissing on a confederate flag or 13 mini-Elijah Moore’s pissing on a confederate flag?

Speaking of the greatest sporting event in Mississippi, this year it got so much better by adding two of the biggest names in coaching: Mike Leach and Lane Kiffin.

It reminds me of the movie FACE/OFF (only with a lot less random doves flying in churches?). That movie was not only snubbed for Best Picture, but it also brought together two of the biggest names in Hollywood at the time, Nic Cage (before he was broke) and John Travolta (before he got all weird with Scientology). So why not make the Mississippi flag look like the movie poster from FACE/OFF? Except it has Leach and Kiffin’s face on it.

Plus, when Mike Leach pulled Lane Kiffin’s mask the other day, it was kind of like he was doing that weird face thing from FACE/OFF.

Face/Off Face/Touch GIF | Gfycat

This one is just because the state of Mississippi looks like Bart Simpson’s face.

Don’t believe me?

If Brett Favre is from your state, I don’t know why you wouldn’t show off the gunslinger every chance you get? And if use a picture of Brett Favre, you also have to make sure Crocs are involved.

This is just a literal egg bowl. It showcases one of the SEC’s greatest rivalry games while simultaneously NOT showcasing the flag of an army that not only lost a war but tried to divide away from America for a primary reason of keeping slaves. So what would you rather have? Eggs or a constant reminder of one of the biggest losses in SEC history? I’m going eggs!

Why not adopt the flag design from South Carolina? Only instead of a palmetto tree and a crescent moon, you get Lacey Chambert (the girl who played Gretchen Wieners and Mississippi native) and a Toaster Strudel.

Speaking of adopting flag ideas, why not copy Indiana’s homework? Except you should change it up a little so it’s not obvious you copied. Just replace the torch with a bottle of Pine-Sol – which was invented in Mississippi (not to brag).

Maybe even make the flag scented like some sort of scratch-n-sniff sticker? With it flapping in the wind, people all over the southeast will be asking, “What’s that smell?” It’s the fresh lemon-scented Pine-Sol. It would take up to three bottles of Lysol to get that fresh, clean smell.

Choose the power of Pine-Sol. And the smell of clean.

Ok, we’re not done stealing other state’s flag ideas yet. Now, sure Arizona has one of the most iconic (and one of the best, in my opinion) state flags, but here you’d be making inherently better by replacing the star with a can of Barq’s Root Beer. Why? Because Barq’s is from Mississippi. More people should know that. If Illinois is the Land of Lincoln and North Carolina is First In Flight, why isn’t Mississippi known as the Brewer of Barq’s?

You mean to tell me the south takes more pride in the confederacy then the sweet tasting carbonated syrup that is Barq’s Root Beer? Color me shocked.

Lance Bass is from Mississippi, which is a perfect excuse to make your flag a lancing bass.

Just replace the confederate flag part – which is divisive – with a picture of the Mississippi Queen, Shelby, the viral sensation from the Grove from years ago, who brings EVERYONE together… after a few vodka waters.

She would be a bad representation of the state… SIKE! She would be a GREAT representation of the state.

Ok, one more stolen idea. This time from Colorado, who also has one of the best state flags in America. All Mississippi has to do is slightly tweak it. At first thought, the giant letter C doesn’t make sense for Mississippi. For as long as their state name is, they only have 4 different letters in it, and none of them are C. So just modify it stand for COVER. As in SOFT TOILET SEAT COVER. Which, you guessed it, was invented in Mississippi, by David Harrison of Columbus. He patented the invention that has sold over 1,000,000 annually. Not to brag.

I saved the best for last.

Both Brett Favre and Jerry Rice are from Mississippi. They both also endorse Copper Fit. It’s 2020, if we have the technology to infuse copper into compression sleeves to prevent injuries and joint pain, then we should have the technology to make a GIF a flag. So if we can, make this entire commercial the flag (if not, the image above will suffice). What better symbol to represent the state of Mississippi than two of the NFL greatest players and spokesman for copper-infused compression garments designed to help stabilize and support muscles, provide support for pain, stiffness, and soreness, as well as aid in recovery and performance by supporting improved circulation and oxygenation? Hell, I wish this image was the American flag!

Other countries would look at us and be like, “Whoa! They stacked the deck!”

Look, Mississippi doesn’t have to take any of these ideas, but let’s be real. Last time they didn’t take flag ideas from a comedy sports blog, their flags were removed some 126 years later. And we don’t want to be right back here trying to come up with new ideas in 2146.

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