Washed Up Acts Always Set Up Residencies In Vegas. In Other News, The 2021 Pro Bowl Will Be In Vegas

Donnie & Marie. Cher. Aerosmith. The Backstreet Boys. And now the Pro Bowl.

Old, somewhat washed up celebrities always follow the same path. When the touring numbers start to drop, they set up a residency in Vegas. Don’t get me wrong. Not every act in Vegas is washed up. They also have Bruno Mars, Lady Gaga, and J-Lo – trust me, fellas. Even in her 50’s, she’s still, she’s still Jenny from the Block. But the Pro Bowl is no J-Lo. And hasn’t been anything close since at least when Sean Taylor committed manslaughter against that Redskins punter in broad daylight.

Yes, that was from an actual Pro Bowl, and a bigger hit than Jennifer Lopez could ever produce. Young kids today probably didn’t even know they made tackles in Pro Bowls. But I assure you, TikTokers, they did.

Unfortunately these days, you’ll see more hits from oxygen tank-wielding blue hairs at the blackjack table than you will at the Pro Bowl. Instead of playing craps, you’ll now be able to see the NFL’s best play like crap. Suddenly, Carrot Top isn’t the least entertaining show in town anymore.

The Las Vegas Outlaws (RIP in peace) gave that city better football than the Pro Bowl will. The Pro Bowl just isn’t what it used to be. Which is why it’s fitting it now shares a city with Christina Aguilera. Hell, the Pro Bowl should open for Xtina.

But the boringness of the Pro Bowl aside, this move makes sense. The Pro Bowl needed any excuse to get out of Orlando. Why? Because I’m pretty sure it rained every year the Pro Bowl was in Mickey Mouse’s zip code. Even God didn’t want the Pro Bowl in Orlando.

At least this way the destination is more desirable for fans. And hopefully the players too. Because let’s face it, for the last decade or so, the NFL hasn’t been the Pro Bowl. It’s been the Reserves Bowl. As in anyone who gets voted into this thing always declines make the second or third choice the one who ends up playing in the game. I’m sorry, but we want to see Travis Kelce, not Dallas Goedert.

No offense, Dallas Goedert.

But I do believe there’s things Vegas can do to make the Pro Bowl better. You know how casinos in Vegas pump in oxygen and aromas to give people energy and keep them awake? Hopefully they do the same at Allegient Stadium to pump a little life in the sleepwalking NFL all-stars. Or maybe scrap the game at Allegient altogether. Utilize the plan that was established for the canceled 2020 Draft and just play the game in the middle of the Bellagio fountain. I’d watch Jadeveon Clowney sack Kirk Cousins into the water. Or if gambling in Vegas is legal, maybe have players make bets on themselves before every play, a la Pete Rose, who will probably be sitting at a card table outside the game signing autographs.

I’m just surprised they made this announcement so early. I figured Roger Goodell would’ve announced Vegas getting the 2021 Pro Bowl at halftime of the 2021 Pro Bowl.

Am I excited that the Pro Bowl is in Vegas? Sure. Again, it’s no Hawaii, but few places are, and it’s a million times better than Orlando. Plus, Andy Reid will still wear floral prints regardless of the location. And not that we needed another excuse to go to Vegas, but this gives us another excuse to go to Vegas.

ME: “Honey, me and the boys are going to Vegas for the Pro Bowl. Cool?”

WIFE: “The Pro Bowl? As in the sporting event you will swerve out of your way to make fun of and take shots at 364 days out of the year? The same event you claim is unwatchable, but yet on that Sunday before the Super Bowl, you rip the remote away from me just to watch a Mic’d Up Russell Wilson take photos with fans on the sidelines? That Pro Bowl?”

ME: “Um. Yes?”

Sign me up. Not to watch the Pro Bowl. But to go to Vegas for a weekend in late January pretending it’s because of the Pro Bowl.

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