Who Won Our Inaugural Korked Bats ’90s Draft?

Earlier today on Instagram Live, we hosted our very first ’90s Draft. Myself (Austin) versus A.D. in a 10-round draft picking literally anything from the 1990’s.

To kick things off, we used a commemorative quarter made in 1997 for the coin toss to determine who would draft first. I won the toss, so I had the #1 overall pick and then we alternated picks until each of us drafted ten things.

Here’s how the draft shook out:

Round 1

  • Austin: Ken Griffey Jr.
    • That one just makes sense.
  • A.D.: Blockbuster Membership Card
    • That one card could provide literal hours worth of entertainment. That card was the O.G. Netflix. Such a strong first pick by A.D.

Round 2

  • Austin: Scholastic Book Fair
    • The Scholastic Book Fair is quickly becoming an endangered species, and it’s a crying shame. Where else will kids be able to purchase an Animorphs book, a poster of a Lamborghini, and two Clifford The Big Red Dog erasers with their parents money?
  • A.D.: Nintendo 64 with clear purple controller
    • That’s an important distinction, too, because an N64 with just a couple of gray controllers are… meh. But when you throw in those translucent colored controllers? Oh damn. You might as well have an assigned seat at the cool kids table in school cafeteria.

Round 3

  • Austin: Tamagotchis
    • Many experts believe the Tamagotchis were the Sacagawea of the digi-pet craze, because it led the way into unchartered territory for all of the others. It was the O.G. and best name brand digipet. That’s why I had to take it in the third round.
  • A.D.: Seinfeld
    • Honestly, that show probably shouldn’t have fallen as far as the 6th overall pick, but it was there and A.D. took full advantage. One of the best picks in the draft, in my opinion. This pick is real, and it’s spectacular.

Round 4

  • Austin: Chumbawamba
    • How could you have a draft of the greatest things of the 90s and NOT include Chumbawamba?! Answer: you can’t. Not only were they great musicians, but they were great motivational speakers. I get knocked down AND I get up again?! Just brilliant. Their song Tubthumping was the original Ted Talk.
  • A.D.: A BMX Bike (with pegs)
    • Not gonna lie, a solid selection by A.D. here. Every boy in the 90s went through a BMX phase at some point. And the fact that he included pegs is huge. A BMX Bike with pegs was the original 90s version of UBER. Only instead of calling one from a cell phone, you had to literally call your friend from your landline in your house to come pick you up.

Round 5

  • Austin: Beanie Babies
    • I’d be lying if I didn’t say I was surprised to see Beanie Babies still available in the 5th round. Bean Babes are known for their cute names. Some of my favorites: Bones the Dog, Jaws the Shark, and my favorite (and this is real) Snort the Red Bull even though it sounds less like a Beanie Baby and more like something Steve-O would do on Jackass.
  • A.D.: frosted tips
    • What were the 90s without frosted tips? Nothing. The 70s had hair beards, the 2010s had that Macklemore undercut hairstyle, and the 90s had frosted tips. You couldn’t go to a Fantastic Sam’s in the country without seeing a posted of a kid with frosted tips hanging on the wall.

Round 6

  • Austin: Mazda Miata
    • What the Model T was to the 1910’s, the Mazda Miata was to the 1990s. One of the safest cars on the market. And I don’t mean for driving. I mean for sex, because it was one of the only cars that came fully equipped with a condom – that leather cover for the front end of the hood. Why did it have that? Who the hell knows? It was the nineties!
  • A.D.: Rugrats
    • The Nickelodeon cartoon that was a staple of the decade. Tommy Pickles, Chucky Finster, Phil and Lil, and freaking Angelica? Don’t forget Reptar! Tommy Pickles could do more with a screwdriver than Bob Villa (another 90s reference), The Property Brothers and Chip and Joanna combined!

Round 7

  • Austin: McDonald’s Arch Deluxe
    • This burg may have been considered one of the biggest flops in the history of marketing, but to me, it was just before it’s time. It walked so other health-ish/up-scale fast food burgers could run. To me, the Arch Deluxe (although short lived) helps tell the story of the 90s.
  • A.D.: Sunny D
    • It doesn’t matter if it was California Style or Florida Style, Sunny D. was one of the most refreshing drinks for kids of the decade. If you went over to a friends’ house and they had SD in their fridge? Oh damn. Things were about to get lit. Sunny D was top-shelf liquor for children.

Round 8

  • Austin: The NBA on NBC Theme (“Roundball Rock” by John Tesh)
    • Full disclosure: We did this 90s Draft this weekend because of the premier of ESPN’s The Last Dance documentary which chronicles the Chicago Bulls 1997-98 season. And what screams NBA basketball in the 90s more than John Tesh’s little diddy. Every time I hear this I feel like I’m about to watch a Knicks-Pacers playoff game or Jordan take on the Utah Jazz. If science ever comes up with a way to physically inject this song into my blood stream, I will be the first to sign up for that elective surgery.
  • A.D.: pool rings
    • No pick in the draft made me laugh harder than pool rings. It’s so simple, yet such a staple of the 90s. If you went to the pool, you needed three things: towel, sunscreen, and pool rings. These simple circles would you keep you entertained for hours on a hot summer’s day. Dive after dive after dive. What an incredible late-round pick by A.D.

Round 9

  • Austin: MTV’s Spring Break
    • One could argue that MTV’s Spring Break single-handedly kept the whipped cream business afloat. Plus, where else could you pair Sisqo, Freddie Prinze Jr., and Aeropostale bucket hats in one place? Also… MTV’s Spring Break gave us JaRule on exotic beaches wayyy before Billy MacFarland did at Fyre Fest.
  • A.D.: Space Jam (1996)
    • A.D. landing Space Jam with the 18th overall pick in the draft is the equivalent of the Patriots stealing Tom Brady at 199th overall pick. This is a pick that will provide success for A.D. for the next twenty years at least.

Round 10

  • Austin: Sudden Death (1995)
    • Did you really think I would go an entire 90s Draft without picking Sudden Death starring Jean-Claude Van Damme? Hell no. If there’s two things this blog likes, it’s Derrick Henry and Jean-Claude Van Damme. Remember #JeanClaudeVanDammuary? Of course. Plus, with A.D. conducting his portion of the draft from the fine city of Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, I saw it to be a tip of the cap his direction too.
  • A.D.: just a giant parachute (from gym class)
    • The Mr. Irrelevant pick from this 90s Draft is anything but irrelevant: the simplest tool which provided hours of fun in gym class – or whenever your gym teacher didn’t feel like doing anything.

Honorable Mentions

And since we had to come prepared with more than 10 things, we shared our honorable mentions after.

So who do you think won the draft: Austin or A.D.? Let us know in the comments or on social.

Make sure to follow Korked Bats on Instagram: @korkedbats

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *