SOMEWHERE NEAR BOSTON — It appears Tom Brady’s run to become America’s biggest free agent has come to an end according to multiple sources.
“It has just become too stressful on my family, and I’d rather not spend all the time it will take to tour the country looking at potential suitors.
“Going from team to team for meetings is expensive, and I’d rather spend that valuable time with my family. Especially my son,” Brady said while winking and blowing a kiss to his son. “There’s nothing better than having your family in the room as they watch you receive a massage from our family masseuse, Roman.”
Brady said he knows he made a lot of promises to his supporters, including at least four more years, but he just feels the time is right to bow out of this year’s race.
He also mentioned that he is fully confident in the rest of the free agent quarterbacks’ abilities to lead a team to a Super Bowl. On top of that, in an even more surprising twist, Brady gave his endorsement to free agent-to-be Andy Dalton. Many pundits believe this endorsement was paid for by Dalton’s agent.
“I think he’s the leader that a team looking for a quarterback needs,” Brady said while gritting his teeth. “Plus, they say gingers don’t have souls, which has to be a plus for him. Hell, it worked for me. I sold mine to the devil back in 2000 just before Drew Bledsoe’s injury.”