The Titans Should NOT Sign Tom Brady

I believe it was the wise philosopher Alfred Pennyworth, butler to Bruce Wayne, who once famously said, “Some men just want to watch the world burn.” There is a similar quote that goes, “Some men just want to watch Nashville burn.” And by “some people,” I mean Adam Schefter, who took some gas cans to the already lit flames at the base of the Batman Building by going on The Rich Eisen Show and saying the Tennessee Titans are the frontrunners to sign Tom Brady next month.

I’m sorry, what?

If you’re a regular consumer of Korked Bats, you know I’m all for Tom Brady rumors. But Adam Schefter, a credible source in the NFL, saying the Titans are a front runner for TB12 makes me want to throw my laptop out the window, drive to Best Buy, purchase a new laptop, take it home, and throw that one out the window too. And what makes this worse is that Titans fans aren’t unanimously in agreement that Tom Brady in two-toned blue sounds better than it actually would be. In fact, I haven’t seen the city of Nashville get more fired up over a topic since Pedal Taverns.

Here’s my take…

They tore down Greer Stadium. They tore down Starwood Ampitheater. Hell, they even tore down Opryland USA and built an inconvenient and oversized outlet shopping mall in its place. But I swear on all that is two-toned blue, they better not tear down what the Titans have building right now.

“…they better not tear down what the Titans have building right now.”

The Titans have finally emerged from a decade long coma, and now people want to add a nearly-retired, highly-decorated war hero to spark new life? Really? You do know you’d be signing 2020 Tom Brady, right? Not his highlight tape from 2007.

The idea of Tom Brady being a Titan should be sacked, like this photo of Tom Brady being sacked by a Titan. (Austin Anthony/Daily News via AP)

It’s like if your dad owned a fully-restored ’67 Chavelle throughout your entire adolescents, and in your mid 40’s decided to hand the keys over to you. The idea of that car is great, because you dreamt about it being yours since you were a prepubescent pipsqueak. But now? With the 250-thousand-plus miles your dad racked up in it, the expired plates, and the moldy smell in the backseat, is it even worth it? Would you even be able to get anything more out of that car? Especially knowing you’d have to trade in your perfectly reliable 2017 Hyundai Sonata?

Just so we’re clear, that’s Ryan Tannehill in this ridiculously deep hypothetical. He’s the Sonata.

If the Titans signed Tom Brady, they might as well rebrand as the Tennessee Wizards, because that’s what this would be. Tom Brady as a Tennessee Titan would be synonymous to Jordan’s second comeback… with the Wizards.

It was awkward. It didn’t feel right. And for as good as Jordan had been in his career, he didn’t help at all. The Wizards were ridiculed. As was Jordan. And it was all capped by a missed dunk in the All-Star Game that year.

I can’t think of Jordan as a Wizard without hearing the shouting words of Marv Albert, “Oh, he blew it!”

I don’t want Tom Brady missing proverbial dunks in a Titans uniform. I don’t want to hear Nantz hit Titans quarterback Tom Brady with a “Oh, he blew it!”

Here’s another photo of Tom Brady getting hit.

The only positive of Brady being the Titans starting quarterback in 2020: more primetime games and more media coverage, but that second part is two-fold, because if Brady comes out bad or even mediocre, you’re going to wish against it all.

You know what else brings media attention? Winning. Which the Sonata did plenty of last season.

Again, Tannehill is the Sonata here. Not to go all Chris Collinsworth, but here’s a guy everyone was enjoying during the 10-game positive swing he sent the Titans on. Here’s a guy who singlehandedly saved the season. Everyone loved the test drive, but now that the Titans have driven him off the lot, apparently his depreciation has led people to think he’s the same quarterback he was in Miami.

There are many people expecting Ryan Tannehill to turn back into a pumpkin, which, not to get off topic, is an expression I’ve never fully understood. The pumpkin was the carriage. Isn’t this expression supposed to be referencing Cinderella? In that case, shouldn’t we say “people are expecting Ryan Tannehill to turn back into a verbally-abused servant step-child who lives in a damp room and talks to mice?”

Regardless, people trusted Tannehill during the second best in-season turnaround in Titans history, but now all of a sudden we’re getting, “Well he sucked in Miami. How do we know he won’t do the same here?”

Did those Sonata naysayers ever stop to think the Ryan Tannehill problem in Miami wasn’t with Tannehill, but rather with Miami? Ryan Tannehill didn’t have a Peterbilt in his backfield in Miami like he did this past year (and hopefully does again next year – I’ll touch on that in a second too). I never thought I’d say this as a Titans fan, but he didn’t have the offensive weapons in Miami like he does in Nashville.

“…ever stop to think the Ryan Tannehill problem in Miami wasn’t with Tannehill, but rather with Miami?”

What’s the legitimate argument for Tom Brady? The fact that he’s the greatest of all time? Great. Randy Moss is one of the greatest wide receivers of all time, and we all saw how he turned out in two-toned blue. True greatness can fade really fast. In all facets of life. Enron was worth over $70 billion in 2000, and bankrupt by 2001. I don’t want the Titans to be bankrupt in 2021.

Look, I’m not trying to knock Tom Brady. He has been incredible in his career, but the keyword there is “has been.” When was the last time you were watching a Patriots game and said, “Wow! Did you see that Tom Brady throw?” When was the last time you texted a Tom Brady highlight in a group text? When was the last time you had to scrape your jaw off the floor after seeing a Tom Brady pass? I’m not calling him a system quarterback by any means, but I am calling him a very talented quarterback who has benefitted significantly from playing on one of the greatest franchises under the greatest coach of all time.

What about in the playoffs? He had the benefit of having one of the greatest defenses in the sport – and arguably a historically great defense – and his offense couldn’t muster up more than 13 points in a Wild Card round against a Titans defense with a banged up secondary. And something about that makes you go, “Ooooo, I want that on MY team!” Really?! Not me.

Also, while we’re on the subject of making franchise altering decisions for the Titans, I’ve also seen some people online argue against the idea of resigning Derrick Lamar Henry Jr. – arguably the greatest Titans running back of all time, with all respects to Edward Nathan George Jr.

Are we really doing this too?

It should come as no secret that this is a Derrick Henry fanboy website. I think that much has been proved in previous works:

And you can probably guess where he ranked in our Henry Power Rankings

And I get it, Derrick Henry is going to command a lot of money – and rightfully so. But if you’re reasoning for not re-signing Derrick Henry is because of the shelf-life of other NFL running backs, then you clearly don’t recognize what you have with Derrick Henry. There are NFL running backs and then there are anomalies, and King Henry is the latter. Derrick is built different than most backs, as was Eddie George. Eddie George sustained a nine year career with at least 300+ carries (sometimes 400+) in every year but his ninth. Derrick Henry just went over 300 carries for the first time this past year. There’s a lot more fuel in that tank.

The man averages 5 yards a carry for his career. He’s four years in. You can’t compare him to a Zeke Elliott, or a Chris Johnson, or even an Adrian Peterson. Derrick Henry has gotten better every year of his career.

Anyway, I’m not sure how this blog about TB12 in two-toned blue turned into an argument as to why the Titans should keep Derrick Henry, but here we are. Maybe it’s because Derrick is a better passer than Brady.

You shouldn’t be critical without offering a solution. So here’s my solution. Franchise tag either Tannehill or Henry and sign the other. Regardless, you need to invest into both of these players. Keep the band together, and let it win a Grammy Lombardi.

tl;dr in meme form:

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